Late nights, early mornings, a sleepless zombie inevitably doomed to walk the earth alone. Music is my only salvation.
Dime’s new dress is honestly the ugliest thing I have ever seen. I cannot with the dress or it’s colors. Especially it’s color. Her pink dress worked SO much better for the show and was overall a lot more aesthetically pleasing.
It feels hopeless and I just want to cry. Ugh. Crap.
Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries,
took the bus home,
carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment
and cooked myself dinner.
You and I may have different definitions of a good day.
This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill,
worked 60 hours between my two jobs,
only saw the sun on my cigarette breaks
and slept like a rock.
Flossed in the morning,
locked my door,
and remembered to buy eggs.
My mother is proud of me.
It is not the kind of pride she brags about at the golf course.
She doesn’t combat topics like, ”My daughter got into Yale”
with, ”Oh yeah, my daughter remembered to buy eggs”
But she is proud.
See, she remembers what came before this.
The weeks where I forgot how to use my muscles,
how I would stay as silent as a thick fog for weeks.
She thought each phone call from an unknown number was the notice of my suicide.
These were the bad days.
My life was a gift that I wanted to return.
My head was a house of leaking faucets and burnt-out lightbulbs.
Depression, is a good lover.
So attentive; has this innate way of making everything about you.
And it is easy to forget that your bedroom is not the world,
That the dark shadows your pain casts is not mood-lighting.
It is easier to stay in this abusive relationship than fix the problems it has created.
Today, I slept in until 10,
cleaned every dish I own,
fought with the bank,
took care of paperwork.
You and I might have different definitions of adulthood.
I don’t work for salary, I didn’t graduate from college,
but I don’t speak for others anymore,
and I don’t regret anything I can’t genuinely apologize for.
And my mother is proud of me.
I burned down a house of depression,
I painted over murals of greyscale,
and it was hard to rewrite my life into one I wanted to live
But today, I want to live.
I didn’t salivate over sharp knives,
or envy the boy who tossed himself off the Brooklyn bridge.
I just cleaned my bathroom,
did the laundry,
called my brother.
Told him, “it was a good day.
(via missheatherelizabeth & justsingyourlifeaway)
DIME’S DRESS IS NO LONG “IT AND HOW”. This change doesn’t make cents.
Can I call up Dime from last week? I need some CHANGE!
(via insanevegi & foreverkaitlyn)
I asked frank to write the Death Spells lyric that mean the most to him so i could get a tattoo of it and this is what he wrote.
(via vmprs & will-grahams-agony)
Working on this stupid essay.
(via missheatherelizabeth & imnotbrokejusttbent)
So I was watching one of those elephant documentaries and some guy walked over to the elephants and the elephants all crowded round to look at him and stroke him with their trunks.
And it reminded me how when there’s a cat in the garden my entire family will go out and cuddle it.
Elephants think humans are cute.
Now we know what elephants blog about.
(via a-longcoldlonelywinter & rightnowbb)
Holy fuck. I just remembered my registration appointment for Spring is tomorrow Dx I have NO idea what classes to take UHSNDNVJKDJDNFNFN I just want to be done with this fucking school already!
Nineteen things I’ve learned before I turned nineteen.
1. Always carry $5 and a lighter with you (even if you don’t smoke).
2. Ask every person you meet how their day is going. Genuinely ask with the soul intention of learning how their day is. Ask the coffee shop employee. Ask the person next to you in line at Walmart. Ask your distant friend. Ask everyone.
3. Take many photos of yourself. Take photos of yourself when you’re happy. Take photos of yourself when you’re sad. Take photos of yourself because there are millions of trees in the world, and we all look at the same sky, but there is only one of you.
4. Stay in contact with your parents. Try not to hate them. They are the reason you have the ability to feel anything at all. Try not to hate your parents.
5. Opening your skin will not set your demons free. Open your heart. Open your mind. Open your hands.
6. Nobody knows anybody completely. That’s okay.
7. Be gentle, but be aggressive. Take a stand. Nobody hears your voice if you stay silent.
8. Respect everybody. We are all humans trying to survive. We all deserve respect.
9. Wearing black will ALWAYS make you feel better about yourself.
10. Always give tips, whether it be a couple extra dollars or a piece of mind. You never know how much you could be helping someone.
11. Change is the only thing consistent in life. Do not allow that bother you. Embrace chance and move with life, whichever direction it chooses to take you.
12. Smile often. Smile at strangers. Smile at your friends. Smile when nobody is looking and you’re alone in your bedroom. Smile when somebody is rambling to you.
13. Body image means nothing. Your body is merely just a seatbelt in the car. Your body is here to protect you. You choose the direction you go, and your body will not hold you back. Only you can hold yourself back.
14. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t allow yourself to hate anybody. Forgive them. Learn to love them for the person you never got to see them to be. Believe that a beautiful human exists in that person. Wish them well.
15. Drink orange juice. Lots of it.
16. Don’t allow the opinions of others to choose your destiny. We are all simply trying to live our own life.
17. Sing all the time. Sing off key. Sing in a silly voice. Sing like you’re on stage. Sing no matter who is around. Singing is breathing for the soul. Sing.
18. Take time to think. Write your feelings down. Write letters to the people you love. Texting is overrated and not as heartfelt as a nice handwritten letter.
19. Live for yourself. Breathe for yourself. Do everything in your life for nobody but you. This is your life. This is it.
(via a-longcoldlonelywinter & thinly)
I hate when you get used to the way someone smells. I used to love how good he smelled but now I don’t notice it anymore. I don’t even really notice how any of my friends smell anymore. I used to love the smell of my body wash and now I can’t even tell. I feel too attached and dependent on others when I know their smell. I almost feel smothered by them. Like a part of them is with me. Like a part of them will always be. And I can’t escape it. It just makes me feel like I need to get away from everything and everyone. Find new smells.